Ellen DeGeneres Wins Oscars 2014

Last night the 86th Academy Awards were held at the Dolby Theatre in Los Angeles. Host Ellen DeGeneres didn't have very big shoes to fill after last year's host Seth MacFarlane open the show with the "We Saw Your Boobs" song. Her sarcastic, sassy, sometimes dead pan, sometimes conceited humor was perfection.

She opened the night with a comment about the rain LA has seen the past few days: "For those of you watching us around the world, it’s been a tough couple of days for us. It has been raining. We’re fine – thank you for your prayers."

My friends could not stop laughing at her opening monologue. She was hilarious!  Not all of the funniest lines are listed, but here are a few of my favorites:

• “Things are so different now. Last time, for instance, when I was here Cate Blanchett was nominated, Meryl Streep was nominated, Leonardo DiCaprio was nominated, Martin Scorsese was nominated. So different.”

• “I’m not saying that movies are the most important thing in the world, because we all know that the most important thing in the world is youth.”

• “I think you should think of yourselves as winners. Not all of you, but the people who have won before should think of yourselves as winners.”

• “Who are we kidding? It’s the Hunger Games. I mean, there are cameras everywhere, you’re starving, Jennifer Lawrence won last year.”

• On Jennifer Lawrence's infamous fall at last year's Oscars, Ellen said she wasn't going to bring up what happened, then proceeded to tell the room exactly what had happened and said she had a clip. She went on to say, “If you win tonight, I think we should bring you the Oscar.”

• “I’m not going to say who looks the most beautiful, but it’s clear. It’s Jared Leto. I mean, he’s the prettiest. Boy is he pretty." We couldn't. agree. more. Moment of silence for the fact that he is 42 years old, not 27-28 like I thought... Oops. That hair though... I mean... C'mon...

• She called out Jonah Hill and said, “You showed us something in that film that I have not seen for a very, very long time.” Referring to his character flashing his. ahem, manhood, in The Wolf of Wall Street.

• And one of my favorite OMG moments: “We should get started. It’s going to be an exciting night. Anything can happen, so many different possibilities. Possibility number one: 12 Years a Slave wins best picture. Possibility number two: You’re all racists. And now please welcome our first white presenter, Anne Hathaway.”

One of the funniest parts was her frequent audience interaction and live-tweeting of the ceremony. Whether the frequent selfies were her idea or amazing product placement for Samsung, I do not know, but I do know that they made me laugh way too hard.

Her first selfie of the night was her on stage looking at the crowd.

"@theellenshow: #oscars #blessed #blurry"

After a montage of animation films ("The Incredibles," "ParaNorman," etc.), Ellen simply said: "Anyone feel that was a little light on 'Finding Nemo?'" L.O.L.

At one point in the show, she asked if anyone would want pizza if she ordered it. A few hands were raised and later on a pizza man showed up with 3 large pizzas and passed it around amongst the A-listers in the first few rows.

While he passing out the slices Ellen said, “I don’t have any money. Sandy [Sandra Bullock] you have money. You got a lot of money. Where is Harvey Weinstein? Harvey?" She later passed around Pharrell's infamous hat and asked celebrities for money to pay for the pizza. Weinstein gave $200, Brad Pitt and Kevin Spacey also gave some cash and Lupita gave Ellen her lip gloss.

At one point during the show she gathered a dozen of my favorite celebrities, except Lupita Nyong'o's brother because I am still unsure of how he weaseled himself into this gem, and had Bradley Cooper snap the picture. It immediately crashed Twitter, or in Ellen's words, "broke Twitter," and now holds the record for most retweets at well over 2 million RTs. (President Obama held the record before at almost 800,000 with a tweet about his re-election.)

"@TheEllenShow: If only Bradley's arm was longer. Best photo ever. #oscars"

And if that wasn't enough, she dressed up as Glenda the Good Witch in honor of The Wizard of Oz's anniversary. She sighed and said, "Not cool guys."

These jokes were only the tip of the iceberg, but I simply don't want to try to jam all of them in one post! Which one-liner made you laugh the hardest?